Saint Francis de Sales said, “The state of marriage is one that requires more virtue and constancy than any other; it is a perpetual exercise in mortification.” (emphasis mine)
Notice the key words ‘constancy’ and ‘perpetual’, because in marriage the dying to oneself (“mortification”) is 24-7, 365 days a year. Not only is it required to die to oneself “perpetually”, but being one flesh with your spouse, you must carry your wife’s or husband’s burdens in such a radical way and with such frequency, that no other vocation or state of life compares. For example, not only I am one flesh with my spouse, but I am also one flesh with her weaknesses, her inclinations, and in a sense her sins, since they become mine to carry and bear in “constancy”; I wake up with them, I live with them, I go to bed with them. Oh, what a beautiful cross God has deigned to give me!
Religious and priests share in this cross, but they are afforded the sweetness of spreading it out to different persons and with less “constancy” being not as “perpetual”. For instance, a pastor lays down his life for his sheep in multiple ways, but he is granted a bed to sleep in at night not to share with anyone. Likewise, a religious may have to suffer many afflictions and annoyances from a brother/sister, but that religious gets his or her own cell/room to retire to, enjoying solitude. As a married man, I am laying my life down for my wife and bearing her burdens, sacrificing my own will for her good, “perpetually” in all stages and in every facet and in all places; this gets extended and exponentially intensified with the procreation and raising of children, again, an extension that is of “constancy” and is “perpetual”. Now it is that I am dying to myself not only for the good of my spouse and bearing her burdens, but also that of my children, “perpetually”.
Furthermore, many priests and religious (depending on the order) are given the opportunity to go on vacation alone. It’s almost as if, in a sense, they take a break from their vocation, not in the strict sense because a priest is always a priest and a religious is always a religious, but in the sense that they can take some time and distance away from their parishioners and/or brothers/sisters. When I take a vacation, I don’t get time away from my spouse and/or children, as they are perpetually in my life, 24-7; thanks be to God for such a grace!
Also, the stark responsibility of having to financially support a family is an added pressure in the married life that is much different and heavier than that of the consecrated or priestly vocation. Sure, religious communities and local parishes depend on the financial donations of others and the pressure that comes from fundraising, etc., but I am solely responsible for ensuring that my wife and children’s physical needs are met, along with their spiritual needs insofar as a husband and father can do so. And, even though most married couples split/share this responsibility, donations do not and will not come into our laps as they do for religious communities and local churches. The real possibility of being laid off or terminated from employment not only affects me, it now affects my spouse and children; I do not see this pressure being as daunting in the religious/priestly life.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church in paragraph 1648 says, “It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life [in marriage] to another human being.” Although the “impossible” is very possible with God and his divine assistance, nonetheless this seeming impossibility still weighs down the married spouse (in a holy way) in a state of perpetual constancy of mortification. Parishioners for a pastor come and go; religious brothers and sisters come and go; spouses, along with children until emancipation, are a mutual self-giving, lifelong mortification.
The dying to oneself is constant and perpetual in the vocation of marriage whereas the vocations of the priest and religious, likewise both having a lifelong dying to oneself, have an apparent sense of intermittence in daily duties which seems to provide just a little more breathing room of solitude and solace.